We, the humble stewards of inherited duplexes and rent-controlled goldmines, write today with great excitement to endorse our candidate of choice for City Council: Lydia Millard — a beacon of hope for those of us who believe tenant protections have gone much too far and that landlords should once again be free to gouge without guilt.

Frankly, we’ve had enough of Councilmember Aisha Chughtai’s dangerous “pro-renter” policies — you know, the ones that aim to keep people housed during economic hardship, or that cap our God-given right to raise rents 35% just because the seasons change. Aisha’s so-called “protections” are nothing short of an assault on everything we stand for: unchecked profits, loophole evictions, and the sacred tradition of repainting a unit and jacking up the rent by $800.

Lydia, on the other hand — what a breath of market-rate air. She understands the real victims here: landlords struggling to afford their third property tax bill while sipping on aperol spritzes from their mansions along Lake Minnetonka. Her principled opposition to rent stabilization, tenant relocation assistance, and “fair eviction” ordinances shows she’s not afraid to take a bold stand against the nearly 80% of Ward 10 residents who rent. Courage like that is rare.

We were especially encouraged by her generous support — or rather, our generous support for her. A few thousand dollars here and there from landlord PACs and real estate groups — nothing illegal, just good old-fashioned civic engagement. You know what they say: you’ve got to invest in what you want to see more of. And we want to see more evictions for profit.

So on Election Day, we encourage all property owners, speculative investors, and Airbnb magnates to cast their vote for Lydia. Let’s send a message that our city’s housing policy should be dictated by Zillow estimates, not human needs. And to the renters out there — don’t worry, we’ll still allow you to live here… as long as you can pay.